I hate it when someone asks me, “how are you?” Actually, I don’t really mind the question when someone I don’t know asks. I recognize it for what it is - conversational fluff. Most of the time it’s asked in passing and no one is really listening to the answer....

I come from a long line of fastidious thank you card writers. My grandmother once questioned me about why my husband didn’t write her a thank you card for the thank you card she sent him for a gift he gave her (were you able to keep that straight?). I...

Being the co-host of two funerals tops the list of my life’s stranger experiences. I dreaded both my sister’s and father’s services, wishing I could choose not to go. But like (so) many things in life, the anticipation was much more intense than the experience. I ultimately found the events to be soothing, empowering*, and...

There is a grief underbelly: a dark, cold place swirling with thoughts that many grievers have but are too ashamed to admit. They’re usually only verbalized in the safe spaces of grief groups or honest conversations between grievers when they feel free of judgement. The first aspect of the grief...

When it comes to couples and immediate families, there’s usually one person who gets designated the role “Public Representative for All Correspondence with Relatives, Friends, and Whatnot”. This person is almost always a woman, by the way - a shock to no one - though there are some notable exceptions...

In 2011 I had my first experience with death. Well - death on Facebook. A former classmate of mine had died in the early morning hours in a motorcycle accident. At the time I was in New Hampshire with my husband and father-in-law.  It was not even a month after my mother-in-law’s...

On Wednesday, January 31, we had to euthanize our dog Abe.  The date lies exactly six days after the anniversary of my husband's mother's death (1/25), and six days before the anniversary of my father's death (2/6). The winter metaphor is not figurative in our house. I took this photo the...

Members of my grief group began talking about the holidays in October. Though I was new to the group, I had actually already made plans for my family in September, just a few weeks after my sister died. I recently mentioned how the podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking was my saving grace during the...

If we love, we will grieve. What a sad proclamation for love. An obvious truth that many of us deliberately ignore to prevent sudden onset panic attacks. All of our relationships will end, and for many of us, we will grieve those losses. So if we all love - and we all...