A month after my sister's unexpected death in August, 2017, I was already panicked about the holidays. How could/would we ever celebrate anything ever again?
But around that time I heard wisdom from Lucy Kalanithi (wife of Paul Kalanathi, author of When Breath Becomes Air) who described her own family's first gathering (I believe it was Christmas) after Paul death and how they traveled to a new place that they'd never been and how that trip ended up being the just right thing for her.
She is a very smart person, and I decided to heed her advice. We were going to take a break from the holidays for awhile (for me, it was 3 years before I felt ready to return to more traditional holiday gatherings). That first Thanksgiving we did nothing that was Thanksgiving-y. That first Christmas, we were in the airport Christmas day traveling to a place that held no memories of my sister.
But around that time I heard wisdom from Lucy Kalanithi (wife of Paul Kalanathi, author of When Breath Becomes Air) who described her own family's first gathering (I believe it was Christmas) after Paul death and how they traveled to a new place that they'd never been and how that trip ended up being the just right thing for her.
She is a very smart person, and I decided to heed her advice. We were going to take a break from the holidays for awhile (for me, it was 3 years before I felt ready to return to more traditional holiday gatherings). That first Thanksgiving we did nothing that was Thanksgiving-y. That first Christmas, we were in the airport Christmas day traveling to a place that held no memories of my sister.
While the strategies below may not be appealing or manageable to you and yours, I do hope that everyone feels the freedom to do whatever it is they want on a difficult day.
