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Signs that My Grief is Still Raw

Posted by Kellyn Shoecraft on

Grief, in some form or another, will stay with you forever. 

For me, the characteristics of raw grief fade over time — but it can take years. I didn't know this when my dad died, and figured I'd be terribly sad...forever.

But that wasn't the case. I was forever changed. I will forever miss him. But I wasn't always sad. I also wasn't always regretful - I accepted what had happened as a part of the story.

It's been nearly 18 months since my sister died, and I am still in the raw-grief phase. This is completely normal and totally ok. The only benefit (?) I've found about having two important people die is that I am no longer frightened by my feelings. I recognize them for what they are —representative of my great love for my sister. 

I present - everyday examples of my raw grief:

Grief

Raw Grief

Raw Grief

Raw Grief

One day these metal loops will be gone and I won't miss them. I don't like hoping that healthy people will die or that misfortune will fall another family. In the meantime I'm patient and not beating myself up for the places my mind takes me. I know that I'm not alone — both in my situation or in my thoughts.

____

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4 comments

  • Kellyn Shoecraft on

    @Amanda – Thanks for writing – -no, just my sister and dad. My spouse is Nate and he is thankfully alive and well :)

  • Amanda on

    @ Kellyn
    Did your Parnter/Spouse die also? I see your sister died @ 37 (so sorry) and before that your father died @ 54 (again so sorry)

  • Kellyn on

    @Tracy – I’m so sorry for what you and your family has gone through <3

  • Tracy on

    1st: I am so sorry for your loss. How do we even live after the loss of those we love…?

    My losses began with my older nephew (such a sweet, loving kid) when he was 11 & I was 9. Immediately after, my only grandparent, who was my world, died. After that, my aunt’s 1st-born son was killed in a MVA the night of his HS graduation.

    My losses continued— every year. My father was an alcoholic and our life was full of sheriff visits to our home.

    My closest bro, died of AIDS from a transfusion, but everyone assumed the worst.

    There’s only more heartache. You can’t imagine.

    To you, I say I wish, wish, wish I had my brother back. I am so sorry for your loss.

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