How Grief Changes Over Time | Part II

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This month was the seventh anniversary of my sister's death. Time related to my sister makes no sense at all. Even in the days after she was gone it felt like she'd both been gone forever and just here. It still feels that way.

For the first 5 years, my family was always together for Alison's anniversary. Last year we didn't do that and it was really hard to get through. This year we reunited again for the weekend, and it felt appopriate and 'good' (for lack of a better word.

Anniversaries now are very different than the early years. Most things are different than they were in the early years, and I'm noticing my relationship to memories changing too. 


(Trying to) Explain the Inexplicable, How Grief Changes over Time Vol. 2

Image shows two stick figures talking to eachother. one is happy and holding a purse and a picture. The other has a pained expression. Text reads, "After my sister died, I could only handle her memory on my own terms. For example, I did not like it when people shared photos or memories when I wasn't prepared." The happy stick figure says, "I'm glad I ran into you. I wanted to give you these pics of your sister."
Stick figure has a pained expression. In one space she's holding a hat. In another she's holding a box of floss. Text reads, "Coming across an object I hadn't seen since her death would lead me into a spiral of despair. Includes objects with enormous sentimental value (like this hat she knit for me). And objects that are totally worthless (like this floss I bought when she was alive).

Images shows two stick figures talking . One with blond hair asks the other, "Do you have any siblings?". The brown hair stick figure has a pained expression with her arms up. Lines make it look like she's free falling. Text reads, "For example. Having her come up in conversation, expecially with people who didn't know she was dead, left me feeling like I was in a free fall."

Stick figure at the bottom but you only see the top 2/3 of her face. She has a very slight smile. Text reads, "But, at some point...after some years...I started to notice I'd get a dopamine rush when I thought about my sister. Especially (underlined) when I thought of a new memory."

Text reads, "A memory I hadn't thought about since she died. At this point, I prefer memories she's not in. Just knowing that while I was doing something, my sister was existing..." Image shows same semi-smiling face with a thinking bubble showing a child who dropped a bagel on the floor. She is holding an empty pink plate." Text reads, pointing to memory, "For example, 7 y/o me who dropped a bagel on the fllorin a rush before school has a 10 year old living sister!"

Another smiling face of the stick figure. She's thinking of am memory that shows a child sitting on the floor wearing yellow shoes and holding two toy horses. One brown, the other grey. A yellow door is cracked open and a child is peeking in. Text reads, "For example: Or 12 year old me (who was still playing with Breyer horses) had a 15 year old living sister was was likely spying through a crack in the door."

A green/blue 7 petal flower with a yellow center is in the bottom right corner. Text reads, "I must miss the (ignorantly) blissful version of me that believed my sister would be with me until the end...(this part is highlighted in the same color as the flower) the true definition of a life partner. I like to visit the world I remember where she was just there...doing her own thing...existing."

A picture of two girls on the first day of school. Little sister carries a yellow lunch box, has a red sweater and a name tag. Big sister has a blue sweatshirt over jeans with a polo color peaking through. She has a shoulder bag. They are smiling next to each other. Text reads "Alison 3/31/80-8/9/17"

...and Part I of How Grief Changes Over Time. 


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1 comment

Hugs to you Kellyn.

Kristyn

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