How Grief Changes Over Time | Part II

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This month was the seventh anniversary of my sister's death. Time related to my sister makes no sense at all. Even in the days after she was gone it felt like she'd both been gone forever and just here. It still feels that way.

For the first 5 years, my family was always together for Alison's anniversary. Last year we didn't do that and it was really hard to get through. This year we reunited again for the weekend, and it felt appopriate and 'good' (for lack of a better word.

Anniversaries now are very different than the early years. Most things are different than they were in the early years, and I'm noticing my relationship to memories changing too. 


A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. The text "(trying to) Explain the inexplicable" is written at the top in purple. Below, the phrase "How Grief changes over Time" follows a wavy, purple path, with "How Grief" in black, "changes" in green, and "over Time" in green. At the bottom, "Vol. II" is prominently displayed in bold purple. The background is a soft pink hue. The overall design has a handwritten, expressive feel

A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. The text at the top reads, "After my sister died, I could only handle her memory on my own terms..." in purple handwriting. Below, the phrase "FOR EXAMPLE" is written in bold orange letters. The next section states, "I did not like it when people shared photos or memories when I wasn’t prepared," with "people shared photos or memories" highlighted in orange. The illustration depicts two stick-figure characters. One person, smiling and holding a small envelope, says, "I'm glad I ran into you. I wanted to give you these pics of your sister!" in a speech bubble. The other person, with downcast eyes and a sad expression, appears overwhelmed. The background is a soft pink hue, and the style is simple and expressive.
A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. At the top, "FOR EXAMPLE" is written in bold orange letters. Below, the text reads, "Coming across an object I hadn’t seen since her death would lead me into a spiral of despair," with "spiral of despair" illustrated with a small spiral doodle. Two stick-figure characters are depicted. On the left, a person with a sad expression holds a small orange knitted hat, with a caption stating, "Includes objects with enormous sentimental value (like this hat she knit for me)." On the right, the same person, still sad, holds a tiny piece of floss with a caption that reads, "And objects that are totally worthless (like this floss I bought when she was alive)." The background is soft pink, and the illustration has a simple, expressive style with handwritten text in purple and blue.

A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. At the top, "FOR EXAMPLE" is written in bold orange letters. Below, the text reads, "Having her come up in conversation, especially with people who didn’t know she was dead, left me feeling like I was in a free fall," with "free fall" emphasized in larger, slightly wavy text. The illustration depicts two stick-figure characters. On the left, a smiling person with blonde hair asks, "Do you have any siblings?" in a speech bubble. On the right, another person appears distressed, with arms raised and lines around them suggesting a falling motion. The background is soft pink, and the text is handwritten in purple and blue, with an expressive and simple drawing style.

A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. At the top, "BUT" is written in bold orange letters inside a small rectangle. Below, the text reads, "At some point... after some years... I started to notice I’d get a dopamine rush when I thought about my sister. ESPECIALLY when I thought of a new memory," with "ESPECIALLY" underlined and slightly larger. The illustration features the top portion of a stick-figure character's face, peeking up from the bottom edge with a small smile. The background is soft pink, and the text is handwritten in purple, with some orange highlights. The overall style is simple, expressive, and personal.

A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. The text at the top reads, "A memory I hadn’t thought about since she died. At this point, I prefer memories she’s not in. Just knowing that while I was doing something, my sister was existing..." in purple handwriting. Below, a small orange banner reads "FOR EXAMPLE." The next line states, "7 y/o me who dropped a bagel on the floor in a rush before school has a 10-year-old living sister!" To the left, a thought bubble emerges from the bottom corner, showing a simple stick-figure drawing of a young girl with a pink shirt and brown hair, standing in a neutral pose. The background is soft pink, and the

A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. At the top, "FOR EXAMPLE" is written in bold orange letters inside a small rectangle. Below, the text reads, "Or 12-year-old me (who was still playing with Breyer horses) had a 15-year-old living sister who was likely spying through a crack in the door." Below the text, a thought bubble emerges from the bottom, depicting a stick-figure character sitting on the floor playing with toy horses. In the background of the thought bubble, there is a slightly open yellow door with another stick-figure peeking through the crack, representing the sister spying. The background is soft pink, and the text is handwritten in a casual, expressive style. The illustration has a simple and personal style, with a mix of purple and black text.

A hand-drawn digital illustration with pastel colors. The text reads, "I must miss the (ignorantly) blissful version of me that believed my sister would be with me until the end... the true definition of a life partner." The phrase "the true definition of a life partner" is highlighted in a soft green shade. Below, the text continues, "I like to visit the world I remember where she was just there... doing her own thing... existing." The word "existing" is slightly larger and more spaced out for emphasis. In the bottom right corner, there is a simple drawing of a pale blue flower with a yellow center. The background is soft pink, and the text is handwritten in purple, creating a thoughtful and emotional tone.

A digital illustration featuring a photograph of two young girls outdoors, both smiling. The older girl is wearing a navy blue sweatshirt and carrying a backpack, while the younger girl wears a red outfit with a small white purse. The photograph is framed within a soft pink background. Above the photo, "Alison" is handwritten in purple. Below the image, the dates "3/31/80 - 8/9/17" are written in the same purple handwriting. A simple hand-drawn pink tulip with a green stem is placed in the lower left corner of the image. The overall style is soft, personal, and commemorative.

...and Part I of How Grief Changes Over Time. 


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1 comment

Hugs to you Kellyn.

Kristyn

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