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Her: A Memoir
Her: A Memoir
Her: A Memoir
Her: A Memoir

Her: A Memoir

Starting from

$20.00

"Haunting... more than a beautifully written memoir. [A] powerful and raw love letter."—The Washington Post

A BLAZINGLY PASSIONATE MEMOIR OF IDENTITY AND LOVE: WHEN A CHARISMATIC AND TROUBLED YOUNG WOMAN DIES TRAGICALLY, HER IDENTICAL TWIN MUST STRUGGLE TO SURVIVE

Christa Parravani and her identical twin, Cara, were linked by a bond that went beyond siblinghood, beyond sisterhood, beyond friendship. Raised up from poverty by a determined single mother, the gifted and beautiful twins were able to create a private haven of splendor and merriment between themselves and then earn their way to a prestigious college and to careers as artists (a photographer and a writer, respectively) and to young marriages. But, haunted by childhood experiences with father figures and further damaged by being raped as a young adult, Cara veered off the path to robust work and life and in to depression, drugs and a shocking early death.

A few years after Cara was gone, Christa read that when an identical twin dies, regardless of the cause, 50 percent of the time the surviving twin dies within two years; and this shocking statistic rang true to her. "Flip a coin," she thought," those were my chances of survival." First, Christa fought to stop her sister's downward spiral; suddenly, she was struggling to keep herself alive.
Beautifully written, mesmerizingly rich and true, Christa Parravani's account of being left, one half of a whole, and of her desperate, ultimately triumphant struggle for survival is informative, heart-wrenching and unforgettably beautiful.

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Compassion Package Tips

And answers to your pressing questions

  • What should I write in my card?

    Be sincere and share how you're feeling without overshadowing their grief.

    Example of sharing your pain in appropriate way: "Desi was such a positive light in my life. His humor brought me so much joy over the years. I will miss him terribly."Example of overshadowing the bereaved's pain: "This is the saddest thing that's ever happened to me — I don't know how I will get through this."

    Share a fond memory if you have one - especially if the card receiver has never heard it. 

    Anything that stands out to you will be special, even if it seems insignificant. 

    Share how you will continue to remember and honor the deceased (examples below)

    "I know Ralph loved key lime pie. Whenever I see it on the menu I'll be sure to order it and think of him." "My children are too young to remember your mom, but I will tell them about those adventurous summers we had camping together. I'm going to teach them how to light a campfire, just like how she taught me."

    If you want to offer help, be specific. If you can make a commitment, do it. 

    Avoid (at all costs) 'call me if you need me' - this puts the burden of action on the person you are trying to help. They will never call you. Offer a concrete way to help. Try 'I will bring you dinner next week', or 'I can watch the kids for you on Friday morning' and follow up on your offer. If you are in a position to offer ongoing support, don't be shy about sharing what you can do. For example, "I am home every Sunday afternoon. I would love to have your kids over to our house on the weekend so you have time to yourself. They are welcome any and all Sundays." Or, "What would be more helpful, if I bring over dinner every Friday or take your dog for hikes instead?"

    Avoid all platitudes. Common examples

    -You're strong

    -You will get through this

    -They're in a better place

    -They'll always be with you/in your heart

    -At least they....(didn't suffer, are no longer suffering, didn't know what was happening, had a chance to say goodbye, etc. etc. etc.)

    -May your memories bring you comfort

    -Everything happens for a reason/God needed an angel/God wouldn't give you more than you can handle


    It is best not to mention what I'll call religious comfort. Keep in mind that people who find comfort in their faith may not find comfort in statements like the ones I've listed above in the very early days after a loss. It is best to err on the side of caution and leave them out.

    Many of the religious statements or platitudes listed above are not really about about offering support. They're encouraging the bereaved to accept their new reality or express gratitude during heartache. Platitudes essentially come across as minimizing the bereaved's pain. 

    The advice listed above is just that — one person's advice. These are tips are based on what I've learned after speaking with many bereaved people, and also having written hundreds of cards myself. Trust your gut, and use these recommednations as a guide. 

  • How quickly will the package arrive?

    Most packages will reach their destination within 1-5 business days.

    If you need guaranteed 1-2 day delivery, please choose Priority Mail Express or UPS Next Day Air at checkout (there will be an additional charge). 

    During the checkout process, you will receive a shipping estimate before the sale is finalized. Approximately 90-95% of orders arrive by the estimated shipping date. 

    If your order qualifies for free shipping, we will send the box via USPS Priority Mail or UPS Ground.

  • I need to sent multiple packages — how do I do this?

    At this time we cannot process multiple destinations within one order. Please make each package a separate order.