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How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal For Grief

How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal For Grief

Starting from

$17.00

An illustrated journal for meeting grief with honesty and kindness—honoring loss, rather than packing it away

With her breakout book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine struck a chord with thousands of readers through her honest, validating approach to grief. In her same direct, no-platitudes style, she now offers How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed—a journal filled with unique, creative ways to open a dialogue with grief itself. “Being allowed to tell the truth about your grief is an incredibly powerful act,” she says. “This journal enables you to tell your whole story, without the need to tack on a happy ending where there isn’t one.”

Grief is a natural response to death and loss—it’s not an illness to be cured or a problem to be fixed. This workbook contains no clichés, timetables, or checklists of stages to get through; it won’t help you “move past” or put your loss behind you. Instead, you’ll find encouragement, self-care exercises, and daily tools, including:

• Writing prompts to help you honor your pain and heartbreak
• On-the-spot practices for tough situations—like grocery store trips, the sleepless nights, and being the “awkward guest”
• The art of healthy distraction and self-care
• What you can do when you worry that “moving on” means “letting go of love”
• Practical advice for fielding the dreaded “How are you doing?” question
• What it means to find meaning in your loss
• How to hold joy and grief at the same time
• Tear-and-share resources to help you educate friends and allies
• The “Griever’s Bill of Rights,” and much more

Your grief, like your love, belongs to you. No one has the right to dictate, judge, or dismiss what is yours to live. How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed is a journal and everyday companion to help you enter a conversation with your grief, find your own truth, and live into the life you didn’t ask for—but is here nonetheless.

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Compassion Package Tips

And answers to your pressing questions

  • What should I write in my card?

    Be sincere and share how you're feeling without overshadowing their grief.

    Example of sharing your pain in appropriate way: "Desi was such a positive light in my life. His humor brought me so much joy over the years. I will miss him terribly."Example of overshadowing the bereaved's pain: "This is the saddest thing that's ever happened to me — I don't know how I will get through this."

    Share a fond memory if you have one - especially if the card receiver has never heard it. 

    Anything that stands out to you will be special, even if it seems insignificant. 

    Share how you will continue to remember and honor the deceased (examples below)

    "I know Ralph loved key lime pie. Whenever I see it on the menu I'll be sure to order it and think of him." "My children are too young to remember your mom, but I will tell them about those adventurous summers we had camping together. I'm going to teach them how to light a campfire, just like how she taught me."

    If you want to offer help, be specific. If you can make a commitment, do it. 

    Avoid (at all costs) 'call me if you need me' - this puts the burden of action on the person you are trying to help. They will never call you. Offer a concrete way to help. Try 'I will bring you dinner next week', or 'I can watch the kids for you on Friday morning' and follow up on your offer. If you are in a position to offer ongoing support, don't be shy about sharing what you can do. For example, "I am home every Sunday afternoon. I would love to have your kids over to our house on the weekend so you have time to yourself. They are welcome any and all Sundays." Or, "What would be more helpful, if I bring over dinner every Friday or take your dog for hikes instead?"

    Avoid all platitudes. Common examples

    -You're strong

    -You will get through this

    -They're in a better place

    -They'll always be with you/in your heart

    -At least they....(didn't suffer, are no longer suffering, didn't know what was happening, had a chance to say goodbye, etc. etc. etc.)

    -May your memories bring you comfort

    -Everything happens for a reason/God needed an angel/God wouldn't give you more than you can handle


    It is best not to mention what I'll call religious comfort. Keep in mind that people who find comfort in their faith may not find comfort in statements like the ones I've listed above in the very early days after a loss. It is best to err on the side of caution and leave them out.

    Many of the religious statements or platitudes listed above are not really about about offering support. They're encouraging the bereaved to accept their new reality or express gratitude during heartache. Platitudes essentially come across as minimizing the bereaved's pain. 

    The advice listed above is just that — one person's advice. These are tips are based on what I've learned after speaking with many bereaved people, and also having written hundreds of cards myself. Trust your gut, and use these recommednations as a guide. 

  • How quickly will the package arrive?

    Most packages will reach their destination within 1-5 business days.

    If you need guaranteed 1-2 day delivery, please choose Priority Mail Express or UPS Next Day Air at checkout (there will be an additional charge). 

    During the checkout process, you will receive a shipping estimate before the sale is finalized. Approximately 90-95% of orders arrive by the estimated shipping date. 

    If your order qualifies for free shipping, we will send the box via USPS Priority Mail or UPS Ground.

  • I need to sent multiple packages — how do I do this?

    At this time we cannot process multiple destinations within one order. Please make each package a separate order.